Just the delivery guy

My surgeon called about 2:30 today with the MRI report.  There are four small nodules in my left breast superficial to (or in front of) the site where the known cancer was removed.  There is no way to confirm that these nodules are malignant without a biopsy of each one  - but there is a strong possibility that they are.  Everything on my right side is clear, and the MRI again confirmed there is no sign of cancer in my lymph nodes.  

I am going to sleep on all of this and meet with my surgeon at 9:00AM tomorrow.  It is currently my plan to have a complete mastectomy of my left breast next week.  This is my surgeon's recommendation, and is what I feel is the right choice.  I am very comfortable with this and surprisingly at peace with all of it.  I will join what one of my favorite writers, Terry Tempest Williams, referred to in her memoir, Refuge, as the " clan of one-breasted women."  (Of course she is referring to her own family who lost so many to this disease.) 

Today was the first turn of events where the news was better than I have feared.  So mostly I feel relief.  Being an academic down to my core, now my research will begin.  

Last night Josh returned from a solo trip to St. Paul, with four bags full of home cooked meals and other goodies from five families at Mt. Zion Temple.  The sweetest thing was watching Josh come in the door carrying four bags of food.  I think he felt like it was the first time he could really do something to help take care of me, even if he was just the delivery guy.  

This morning, I had a calming up of tea with my friend and colleague, Kelly Holland, and she delivered my campus mail that included a card and treats from my friend and colleague, Amy Seham, and a package containing the book Returning to Health with Dance, Movement and Imagery by Anna Halprin, a gift from one of my fabulous former students, Katy Becker.  I cannot wait to read that this weekend. And, in the mail, I got a hysterically funny card from the mother of one of my other fabulous students from years past.  (Okay Ashleigh Penrod, I know where you get at least part of your sense of humor.) It had contained a list of 20 fun things to do while you are recovering from an operation.  Right now I am focusing on #13, “Practice Exotic Bird Calls.”

The sun is shining, and it just all feels like it is going to be okay.  Thanks for being there with me for this wild ride.  I know it is not over.