Resources

I have been thinking a lot about how I need to ration my personal resources.  I am used to having a much deeper well of both physical and emotional energy.  I can always tell when I am tapped out because I get weepy. 

Our arrival in Mexico went very smoothly.  However, we did get up at 3:15 AM, and left for the airport by 4:00AM.  We had about a two-hour flight to Dallas, an hour and half layover, and a two and half hour flight to Cancun, Mexico.  All of our baggage arrived quite quickly and we sailed through customs with no lines.  Outside of the airport the heat and humidity were substantial, but our van was waiting and it took less than a half hour to get to the resort.  It was less than a five-minute walk from the lobby to our room, but by the time we arrived I completely disintegrated.  I was too hot, too tired, and felt completely spent.  Fortunately, after about a two-hour rest in our air-conditioned room I was ready to completely appreciate the gastronomical riches waiting for us at La Marina Buffet (which the staff pronounces “boof-ette”.)

Friends and family arrived over the next few days and we slowly figured our way around the resort, made final preparations for the wedding, and found our individual rhythms for balancing food, alcohol, sun and sleep. 

I am never been particularly heat tolerant, and the chemotherapy makes my skin very prone to sunburn, so I did not spend any time lounging near the pools, and very limited time at the beach.  The wedding, on Saturday was at 1:00 PM and was right on the beach.  I was slathered in sunscreen, had on a large straw hat, a maxi-length dress and a thin white shawl over my shoulders.  It was more than toasty, but overall a lovely and memorable wedding.  

Sunday was father’s day, and with all the postings on facebook I found myself missing my own father a great deal.  My dad loved Mexico and loved Mariachi bands.  He would have enjoyed so much of this.  My niece Marit, who was married on Saturday, was the first grandchild and was very close to both my parents.  My mom left Marit her wedding rings, and those are the rings she wears today.  I felt the presence, and the absence, of both of my parents a great deal over the past few days. 

The trip home went smoothly, with our flight arriving back in Minneapolis at about 10:40 PM, and my sister, son and me arriving back in St. Peter around midnight.  Husband Bob stayed in the cities for an early morning meeting today.  

On the flight home I read the first hundred pages of Anne Lamott’s latest book, Some Assembly Required: The Journal of my Son’s First Son.  I love Lamott’s writing, and this one did not disappoint me.  It chronicles the unexpected chapter of her life when her son becomes a father at nineteen.  Of course, like all well written memoirs, it covers so much more than just that.  It is a thoughtful reflection on trying to accept how little control we have over the beginnings and endings of generations of loved ones.

On the page before the preface, was a poem by Susan Stauter, currently the Artistic Director for the San Francisco Unified School District.  It was a good poem to carry me through the trip home, and through today’s fourth round of chemotherapy. 

In the midst of the chaos

When the wind is howling I hear

The ancient song

Of the ones who went before

And I know that peace will come